What exactly is a caregiver? A caregiver is anyone who provides help to another person who is in need of help with basic daily tasks.
There are lots of things a caregiver might do, including household chores such as shopping, cleaning, cooking, paying bills or taking care of finances; or personal chores such as bathing, bathroom assistance, dressing, and eating. When we provide care for others, whether it is a parent, child, husband, wife, or friend, we tend to think that the person we are caring for is all that matters. We become focused only on the other person’s needs and not on our own.
When we do this we are in danger of becoming burned out quickly. The person we are caring for may require long or short term care, but either way we need to make sure we stay healthy in the process. I know it’s challenging to find a balance, but it is possible and will result in better quality care for both you and the person you care for. You need to realize that taking care of you is just as important. When something happens and you watch someone lose their independence it is very difficult to think of yourself, but you have to watch for signs of “burnout”. It is not a sign of weakness. It simply goes with the territory.
One thing you have to remember is you are not alone. You are simply worn out! Although we are hesitant to admit we can’t do it all, there are warning signs we need to watch for. Some of these are:
Feeling completely overwhelmed with worry about how you will manage.
Chronic physical symptoms such as backache, headache, etc.
Becoming easily irritated.
Feeling like nothing you do is good enough.
Feeling guilty or useless
Stopping all your social activities.
Not sleeping at night because you are worrying about tomorrow.
Feelings of depression and/or defeat.
When you begin to feel this way, take time for yourself! Ask for help and accept it, and make a list of ways others can help you and let them chose what they would like to do. (Sometimes people don’t know what you need.) Don’t feel guilty. You are not perfect and can’t do everything at once. You are human. There is no such thing as “perfect.” You simply do the best you can and accept the fact that there are things you cannot change. Set realistic goals and break them down into small tasks that you can do one step at a time. Stay in touch with family and friends, join a establish a daily routine and allow some time for yourself. Go to a movie, take a walk or a bubble bath, or simply get a glass of tea and sit down and relax for 30 minutes. Most of all keep a sense of humor. Sometimes a little laugh can make your day!
Melissa Gronda is the interim family caregiver coordinator for the Area Agency on Aging.
