|
|
Published February 22, 2008 04:45 pm - I tried to turn the up the volume on one of our TVs the other day and instead I either opened our garage door or launched a nuclear missile.
Mike Pound: Pick a remote, bang it on your hand
I tried to turn the up the volume on one of our TVs the other day and instead I either opened our garage door or launched a nuclear missile.
We have a lot of remotes in our house. Some of those remotes are from TVs that we used to own but have long since died. Some of the remotes are from CD players that we used to own but also have long since died.
By the way, for some reason, my wife and I have had bad luck with CD players. Normally what happens when we buy a CD player is that it will work for a few months and then it will stop working. We don’t know why that is, but it is. Right now we have four CD players in our house and only one of them works. But that’s OK because, as I understand it, CD players are the equivalent today of telegraph machines. Nobody, as I understand it, uses CD players today. Now everyone listens to iPods or MP3 players.
My wife and our 10-year-old daughter, Emma, have MP3 players and a few months ago they bought me one. The MP3 player my wife and Emma gave me already had songs on it, although I don’t have any idea the songs got there. My wife told me that she “downloaded” the songs onto my MP3 player for me, but I think she’s just making that up.
I have to admit, though, that I liked my MP3 player. Well, I liked it until the battery wore down. My wife tells me that to charge the battery on my MP3 player all I need to do is plug it into our computer for a while, but I’m uneasy with that. Instead, I just put my MP3 player in the glove compartment of my car and went back to listening to NPR on my car radio. Although, as I understand it, nobody listens to regular radio stations in their car anymore. Today everyone listens to something called “satellite” radio which I thought was sort of dumb, until I discovered that there is a “satellite” radio station dedicated exclusively to Jimmy Buffett. I decided that maybe “satellite” radio isn’t so dumb after all.
But I digress.
The problem with having as many remotes as we do is I have a hard time figuring out which remote I need to use whenever I want to do something as simple as turn up the volume on my TV. Now I’m sure people are wondering why, instead of searching through 20 or 30 remotes, I don’t just get up, walk over to the TV and turn the volume up by hand? Well, I have only one thing to say to those people.
PLEASE.
Even when I do manage to locate the right remote, it’s likely the remote won’t work. I don’t know about how things work in your house, but in our house we watch a lot of TV, which means we use our TV remotes a lot, which means we occasionally drop our TV remotes. And when I use the word “occasionally,” I mean it in the sense that Barack Obama “occasionally” uses the word “change.”
We drop our TV remotes a lot, is what I’m saying.
After we drop a TV remote enough times, it will eventually break apart, and I will have to fix the remote. I fix the remote by wrapping it in more tape than they used to wrap King Tut. This works — for a while. Then it doesn’t.
What happens to the mummy-wrapped remote is the batteries lose their connection to whatever it is they connect to that turns up the volume on the TV. So I have to fix the remote, again. I fix the remote again by banging it against my hand until the batteries connect with whatever it is they are supposed to connect with. This also works for a while. Then it doesn’t.
We currently are using a TV remote, that I have to bang against my hand, in our bar in the basement. I like to watch TV in our bar in the basement mainly because there is beer in our bar in the basement and because nobody else in our house likes to watch TV in our basement. What I don’t like is having to bang the TV remote against my hand in order to turn up the volume. But I do it.
Why? Because I’m a guy.
I would rather sit in a chair in front of a TV and bang a tightly wrapped remote against my hand in an effort to turn the volume up instead of getting out of the chair, walking 2.5 feet and turning the volume up by hand. I do it because that’s what guys do.
•
Click to discuss this story with other readers on our forums.
|
|
Announcements



: Special Offer For New Subscribers
:


 |
|
|
|
1993 CHEVROLET LONG BED
runs good, 4.3 V6, new transmission, needs body parts, $400. (417)438-2508...>MORE
TOYOTA 2004 TACOMA PRERUNNER
Toyota, 2004 Tacoma Prerunner, TRD off road, double cab, V6, new tires, CD, bed liner, lid cover, 100,000 miles, excelle...>MORE
1997 OLDSMOBILE 88
runs good, $1900. 417-850-0731....>MORE
HONDA 2001 CIVIC EX
HONDA, 2001 Civic EX, 4 door, automatic, 94,000 miles, $5800; 1998 Accord, 4 door, $4200; 1999 Honda Prelude, automatic...>MORE
1998 CHEVROLET TRACKER
removable hard tops, automatic, air, CD, sharp, $2500. 1317 Schifferdecker, Joplin....>MORE
2002 KIA OPTIMA EX
4 door, sharp, loaded, leather, CD, sunroof, extra nice, $3200. 1317 Schifferdecker, Joplin....>MORE
1999 FORD EXPLORER LIMITED
4x4, leather loaded, $3500. 417-850-0731....>MORE
2002 FORD TAURUS SE
nice car, 3.0 liter V6, $2900. 417-850-0731....>MORE
OLDSMOBILE 2003 SILHOUETTE VAN
OLDSMOBILE, 2003 Silhouette mini van, 107,000 miles, scooter/wheelchair hoist, nice, $7000. (417)776-3219....>MORE
JEEP 2000 CHEROKEE SPORT
JEEP, 2000 Cherokee Sport, 6 1/2” lift, 35” foggers, locked front end, welded rear end, off road use, winch not included...>MORE
See all ads |
|
NEWER 3 BR/2 BA
Lots of upgrades and great location. $149,000 but all offers considered. 903 Katlin, Carl Junction. Pictures www.fsboloc...>MORE
Deerfield Estates
in Carl Junction, prime building sites, reduced $10,000 each. 417-825-0052...>MORE
See all ads |
|
YORKIES
12 weeks old, 2 males, AKC, 1st shots, $175. 417-291-6590, Webb City...>MORE
ENGLISH BULLDOG PUPPY
male, AKC, fawn/white, champion bloodlines, $900 or best offer. (417)396-3340...>MORE
INDIAN HEAD PENNIES
INDIAN HEAD PENNIES, 35% Civil War II nickels, V nickels, Buffalo nickels, lots of other coins. Garage full of antiques ...>MORE
DIAMOND SOLITAIRE
Pear-shaped, one carat, diamond solitaire in gold setting. $2,000. Please call 417-825-3238...>MORE
(2) TEACUP CHIHUAHUA
APRI puppies. (417)673-1997....>MORE
REWARD $50,000 REWARD
Offered for any information leading to conviction of any person or persons known to have been involved in alleged ...>MORE
MALTESE PUPPIES ADORABLE!!
6 weeks old Thanksgiving. 2 boys and 2 girls. Shots, wormed, and vet checked. Healthy, active, and loved! Great Ch...>MORE
NEW IN BOX
New in box, Lucchese cowboy boots, black, size 9D, $200. (620)231-9256...>MORE
ANGUS HEIFERS
6 Augus heifers, good foundation stock. (417)358-7519...>MORE
5TH WHEEL
5TH WHEEL, 2004 Prowler Regal, 26’, 2 slides, loaded, nice. (620)674-2127....>MORE
See all ads |
|
 |
|