Wed, Feb 10 2010
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Published March 02, 2007 04:06 pm - Wanted: One good man. Preferably between the ages of 50 and 70 (unless you’re 84 and have millions). Should like dancing and the theater, but still be straight. Can like fishing and hunting, as long as you don’t expect the woman to come along. Anne Kettenbrink: Translating online personals Wanted: One good man. Preferably between the ages of 50 and 70 (unless you’re 84 and have millions). Should like dancing and the theater, but still be straight. Can like fishing and hunting, as long as you don’t expect the woman to come along. No, this man is not for me. That’s a whole other subject. This man is for my aunt. My aunt and cousin came to visit their family last weekend, and I scored an invitation to dinner and board games. Little did I know that the evening would devolve into martinis and online dating. See, my aunt has been widowed for six years. She’s not the sort to mope around and feel sorry for herself, but she’s not 25, either. Dating is not that easy when the last time you had a date, Lyndon Johnson was in office. So, she acquiesced to filling out a profile online. It’s a dangerous world online. There are a lot of subtleties to think about. Now, there are a lot of subtleties involved in any relationship (or so I hear), but they are exacerbated when people are relying only on the written word. First of all, when you fill out a profile, they want to know all this inconsequential information about you. Why do they honestly expect women to put how much they weigh? There’s an option to keep how much you earn secret, but for some reason, you are forced to pick a number for your weight. As Aunt Nancy said, “Obviously made by a man.” The thing is, weight could say a lot about a person. 1. 80 pounds: “I am starving,” or “I picked this one because it’s the lowest number and you can look at my picture and guess.” 2. The actual number: “Respect me because I’m willing to tell the truth,” or “The truth will set me free, and you won’t send me an online wink.” 3. A number close to the actual truth: “Go ahead, ask me how much I actually weigh when we meet.” We really had to think about every little thing that went into the profile. We had to analyze how other people would view our choices and make assumptions. For instance, we couldn’t click any water sports or activities, because a man might get the idea that Aunt Nancy would be willing to wear a bathing suit. 
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