Wed, Oct 15 2008
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Published August 01, 2008 12:53 pm - When I use the word “relax,” I mean: To take it easy. To slow down. To chill. When my wife uses the word “relax,” she means: To do the exact opposite of relax. Mike Pound: If you want to relax, then don't relax My wife and I have different definitions of the word “relax.” When I use the word “relax,” I mean: To take it easy. To slow down. To chill. To do pretty much nothing. You know, pretty much what I do every day. When my wife uses the word “relax,” she means: To do the exact opposite of relax. My wife has a tough time sitting still. She has a tough time shutting off her brain. She has a tough time doing nothing. My wife will tell you that I don’t have a tough time sitting still. My wife will also tell you that my brain has been turned off since 1978, and that I have been doing nothing since “the *&%$* day we got married.” Speaking of the day we got married, my wife and I got married in Key West, Fla. For several years after we got married, my wife and I would return to Key West for our anniversary. We did this until we had a child and discovered that all of a sudden we no longer had any money. Anyway, every morning when we were in Key West, I would get up early, walk across the street to a little Cuban cafe and buy a cup of Cuban coffee and a copy of the Miami Herald. Then, I would walk back to the place we were staying and read the paper and drink coffee on the porch. Sometime later my wife would come out on the porch and sit down with me. My wife would relax on the porch for about 30 seconds and then she would unrelax. Wife: OK, what are we going to do today? Me: I’m doing it. Wife: Doing what? <b.me:> I’m reading the paper and having coffee. That’s what I want to do. Wife: But you can do that at home. Me: That’s what I want to do at home, too. See, my wife, and I think 99 percent of all women, don’t like it when men do something on vacation that they could do at home. While I, and I think 99 percent of all men, have no problem doing something on vacation that we could do at home as long as we like whatever it is we are doing. For example, whenever we take a quick vacation to my Uncle Jim and Aunt Ev’s house at the Lake of the Ozarks, my wife and Ev get mad at Jim and me if we watch baseball. “You’re at the lake,” they say. “Why would you waste time indoors watching TV?” 
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