My wife woke me up in the middle of the night Wednesday to tell me that she heard water running in our house.

I told my wife that she likely heard water running in our house because it was raining outside and had been raining for nearly 24 hours. Then I told my wife I was going back to sleep. My wife thought about what I said for a minute and said: “You’re right. I was overreacting. I do that sometimes. I know now there is nothing to worry about. So, please honey, go back to sleep.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, sometimes I kill myself.

No, what my wife said to me was more along the lines of: “ Get up, you *&^$% of (&%. If we don’t find the problem, we will wake up to a disaster.”

So I got up.

My wife led me downstairs to our living room. She told me to put my ear to a heating vent on the wall. I did. My wife asked me what I heard. I said I didn’t hear anything. My wife told me to listen again. So I did. My wife again asked me what I heard. I told her I heard water.

Wife: See, I told you.

Me: I hear water because it’s raining outside and has been raining for nearly 24 hours.

Wife: No, it’s running through our walls.

Me: You’re crazy.

Wife: You’re dead.

My wife and I have these conversations a lot. The reason my wife and I have these conversations a lot is because my wife is a worrier and I am not. Had I been on the Titanic, I would have been the guy walking around the deck saying, “Don’t worry, it’s just a small leak. Go back to bed. And please, somebody find out where that Celine Dion music is coming from and get rid of it.”

My wife, on the other iceberg, would have been standing in a lifeboat sitting next to Molly Brown yelling back at me standing on the sinking ship, “I told you so, you rotten *&%^.”

What I’m trying to say is, sometimes my wife worries for the right reason. Sometimes my wife is correct when she tells me she thinks something bad is happening in our home.

For example, my wife is constantly monitoring our heating and air-conditioning system. I will come downstairs on a fine Sunday summer morning and find my wife staring intently out of our kitchen window.