Wed, Dec 03 2008
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Published October 03, 2008 03:12 pm - I know how to iron a shirt. I know how to iron a pair of pants. I even know how to iron a table cloth. But asking me to iron a dress is like asking Sarah Palin to name a member of the Supreme Court. Mike Pound: He's not iron man I don’t know how to iron a dress. I know how to iron a shirt. I know how to iron a pair of pants. I even know how to iron a table cloth. But asking me to iron a dress is like asking Sarah Palin to name a member of the Supreme Court: “Well, there are lots of them, of course, in this country ... America. Who do you think makes those things ... those kinds of decisions that impact all of us ... like those of us in this great country? Which as I have said is America. Wait!!! I see Russia.” That’s what I’m like when I try to iron a dress. I guess one of the reasons I’m not so hot at ironing dresses is I don’t have much occasion to iron dresses. As a rule I don’t wear dresses much. Although, in 1985, I did wear a nun’s habit for Halloween. But a nun’s habit is not a dress and even if it was I didn’t iron the nun’s habit. The way I figured it, if someone saw a 6-foot-3, 220-pound person with a mustache wearing a nun’s habit, they probably wouldn’t notice whether or not the nun’s habit was wrinkled or not. Someone: “My gosh. That is the ugliest nun I have ever seen.” Someone else: “Yeah, but at least she ironed her habit.” By the way, at our house my wife and I split up the ironing chores. My wife irons her clothes and I iron my clothes. I learned to iron clothes when I was a kid. I have six brothers and sisters and we learned early on that if we didn’t get our clothes to our mom when she was doing laundry, then we were on our own. So we all learned to do laundry. As I got older, I sort let my ironing skills go by the wayside (wherever the “wayside” is). When you’re in college there isn’t much of a call for an iron. I mean, who needs to iron jeans and flannel shirts? Then, when I left college and started working in broadcasting, where I made hundreds of dollars a year, I couldn’t afford an iron. Well, that’s not true. I couldn’t afford an iron and beer. So I didn’t buy an iron. Then I got married and I had to start ironing my clothes again. The reason I had to start ironing my clothes again after I got married was because my wife told me she would never go out in public with me again if I didn’t start ironing my clothes. “You didn’t mind my wrinkled clothes before we got married,” I said to my wife. “Yes, I did,” my wife said. “But you never said anything,” I said. “I’m saying something now,” she said. “I see,” I said, even though I didn’t see. But I started ironing my clothes again. 
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