Granby man finds solace by helping others

By Derek Spellman

dspellman@joplinglobe.com

GRANBY, Mo. — They seemed an unlikely pair when they first met.

He was not long out of the Navy, gripped by a “party mentality,” sporting a mullet haircut and tattoos, and locked in a struggle with drugs and alcohol. She was a teacher at a church school in the Los Angeles area.

“I was pretty down and out,” recalled Frank Ames, when his sister thought she would take him to a comedy night put on by the local church group more than 14 years ago in California.

There, he met Laura Tucker. The pair would wed and become Frank and Laura Ames later that year.

In the years to come, he would fracture his back and have to undergo rehabilitation to recover the use of his legs. She would contract a rare, ruthless form of cancer that would lead to the death of an unborn child and, much later, to her own.

It’s been a little more than a year since Frank Ames lost his wife, but he has found solace as a father, a speaker, a philanthropist, perhaps as a life-insurance salesman and, above all, as the teller of a story — hers.

Changed man

It’s a quiet Wednesday morning at Ames’ home in south Granby. The garage door is open. The back of Ames’ truck is visible, and it bears the dates of his wife’s birth and death, photos of her, and ribbon decals.

Inside the house, Ames is wearing a powder-blue shirt emblazoned in one corner with Community True Love Foundation, a nonprofit foundation that he founded in the wake of Laura’s death to help raise money for needy families.

Ames is remembering how he and his wife met at the comedy night 14 years ago. Laura, he said, was emceeing the event. His sister introduced them, and their “eyes locked.” The introduction became a watershed moment for Ames.

“It’s like God hit me over the head and said, ‘There you go. There’s your chance (to turn your life around),’” Ames said.

Ames said he became determined to show her that he was a changed man, and that he “got straight with God again.” The couple began dating. Ames returned to church, and conquered his problems with drugs and alcohol.

About eight months and a couple of dozen marriage proposals after they met, the couple wedded in December 1994. Laura kept teaching at the local church school. Ames kept working in construction, mostly digging subway tunnels. Within the next couple of years, they would have two children.

It was in 1999, when Ames was between jobs and on a beautification project in Santa Monica Beach, that he hurt his back. He said he had parked his truck just outside a construction zone and, after he climbed out to open the gate, somehow the transmission slipped. The truck rolled forward, pinning him against the gate and fracturing his back.

After several surgeries and intense physical therapy, Ames said, he regained the use of his legs. Almost 10 years later, he said he only occasionally has pains in his legs and requires the use of a cane.

He credits his wife with being “the rock of the family” during his recovery, citing her radiant smile and high spirits as what kept the family’s spirits afloat.

It was in early 2002 that Laura found out she was pregnant again. The couple made an appointment to see a doctor.

The doctor confirmed that Laura was pregnant. The doctor also said she had found a tumor attached to Laura’s pelvic bone.

‘She never lost faith’

Laura Ames was diagnosed with liposarcoma in the abdomen, a rare form of cancer. Her husband said that by the time she died in October 2007, she was basically “carrying 30 pounds of tumors.”

She had to lose their unborn baby, he said. The child could not withstand the aggressive radiation and chemotherapy to come. Laura would undergo surgeries and months of treatment. For a time, the cancer retreated. That was when the family decided to move from California to Granby, near Frank Ames’ godmother, in early 2005.

But shortly after their arrival, Laura was summoned back to California. Tests taken just before the family’s departure showed a new tumor the size of a small watermelon growing on the left side of her body. Despite another surgery, her cancer was diagnosed as terminal.

Over the next two years, family and new friends would rally to their support. They found a new church in what would become New River Family Fellowship, of Wentworth, and a guide in the Rev. Charlie Brown.

Brown said that as a pastor, he has been around a number of people facing death, and he has never met anyone like Laura Ames.

“(Cancer) is not a very forgiving illness,” he said. “She was able to conduct herself without complaining, without wavering in her faith in God.”

Led and inspired by her, the Ames family would go on.

When Laura began to lose her hair again from the chemotherapy, she had the hair plucked from the back of her head to form a smiley face. When Frank Ames would become “too negative,” Laura would cut him off.

She kept working — this time in the student loan department at Ozark Christian College — up until a few days before she died. The family took in foster children. They remained involved in the church.

“She never lost faith,” Ames said, his voice breaking. “She knew that she could battle through it.”

Ames acknowledged that he struggled.

“I battled hard with God about this,” he said.

The turning point, he said, came when God told him that he was overlooking the power of her example, as if to say: “Haven’t you seen how she handles this? Can’t you see how this will inspire other people?”

And he took comfort in the final image his wife left him just before she died Oct. 7, 2007.

Ames said family and friends, including Brown, had gathered around her hospital bed that evening. A family friend earlier had told Ames to watch for a smile — when they smile, the friend had said, it signals they are ready.

Sure enough, in her final moments, her face split into a broad smile — not once, but twice.

“There was no fear in her face. None,” Brown said. “I have to believe she finally saw the face of Jesus.”

Foundations

In the year since Laura’s passing, Ames said, he and his family have tried to stay active.

He has started two foundations — one directly named for Laura Ames, the other being the Community True Love Foundation.

“We’ve helped three families now,” he said of the foundations.

He stays active in his church.

Brown said the church is finishing work on a children’s center that will include a wing named in Laura’s honor. A playground also to be named for her is planned for next year.

Ames has been living off Social Security disability since his accident in 1999. He said he wants to re-enter the work force in an office setting.

Next year, he hopes to become a local salesman for New York Life Insurance Co., the same company that provided insurance coverage for his wife.

Ames praises New York Life agent Bob Arensberg, who he said “has become family.” Arensberg was the agent who helped the family obtain a life-insurance plan for Laura — only weeks, it turned out, before she was diagnosed with cancer. It was Arensberg, Ames said, who invoked a provision in their policy that allowed them to receive a portion of her death benefit before she died. That portion helped them pay for their current house.

“We wouldn’t have been able to stay here on just my disability,” Ames said.

Arensberg was recognized for his work with the family by the LIFE Foundation Client Service Awards Program, which honors insurance professionals for their service to clients. He and the Ames family were featured earlier this year in a special advertising section of Newsweek.

“They’re just great people,” Arensberg said of the family, with whom he still keeps contact. He is now based out of Wichita, Kan.

He attributes the family’s perseverance to robust religious faith.

Ames, meanwhile, has been become a speaker for New York Life, usually addressing other life-insurance salespeople, and in places as far away as Spain and Puerto Rico. Between the Newsweek piece and his own speaking, he said, he hopes his wife’s story has reached thousands of people so far.

“It has helped keep her memory fresh,” he said.

In her own words

Not long before her death, Laura Ames wrote in an Ozark Christian College newsletter about her bout with cancer. An excerpt:

“How boring would our lives be without the character-building trial set before us? We would have flabby faith muscles and mushy memories of joyful times. I suppose you can’t have the good without the bad and hard times to balance things out.”

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