I can’t resist reading fashion forecasts each January about what’s hot and what’s not for the upcoming year.

Inevitably, if skinny jeans are hot, then I’m wading around in a pair with enough flare to tent a family of cats. And if bell bottoms and baggy jeans are hot, then I just broke a shoehorn trying to muzzle my thighs into a skinny pair.

My track record is the same for household decorating trends. If minimalist decorating with a few curated pieces of furniture is what’s hot, then I guarantee I’m living in a house that looks like a Goodwill distribution warehouse.

But it’s still entertaining to read what Vogue says we’ll be wearing in 2022:

• Catsuits — These skin-tight onesies can be worn with heels for a formal look or sneakers for a casual trip to the supermarket or pussyfooting around the cul-de-sac, I suppose. “Catsuits are such a statement piece,” according to the fashion forecaster, “they require minimal styling and are the perfect option if you’re feeling a little lazy.”

Because I’m not a toddler, Cher or the Cat in the Hat, I’ll skip the catsuit.

• Bras as shirts — Vogue attributes this microtrend to the world’s new “post-pandemic tastes for subtle sultriness.”

Another trend I’ll skip, because it’d get tiring carrying a cordless space heater. It wouldn’t be subtle either.

• Bold, creative fringe — Not the soft swingy stuff on lampshades, but what’s described as “car wash-esque straps” made of thick belts that drape onto the floor.

I haven’t seen these fringe-flapping garments at Kohl’s, and I doubt sister Rosie’s old treadle could sew through hog hair car wash brushes, so I’ll skip this trend too.

• Plaid micro miniskirts — These teeny skirts are the length of dryer sheets, so unless they’re fringed with ankle-length car wash straps, I’ll skip them too.

• Pearls and berets — Fashion pros swear these chic accessories add a touch of sophistication to any outfit.

So I suppose I’ll try wearing faux pearls with my Big Smith bib overalls this year and see if I look sophisticated or “what’s not.”

Marti Attoun’s “Booth 186: My Secondhand Career in Vintage Corsets, Moose Heads and Other Moth-Eaten Antiques,” is available as an e-book on Amazon.

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