I’ve poked fun at the health of magazines in some doctors’ waiting rooms. That’s where publications go to grow old but never die.
Once while waiting for an appointment, I flipped through a three-year-old copy of Reader’s Digest that had jaundiced pages. It was in better shape, though, than a Motor Trend sprawled nearby with a bent spine and multiple lacerations.
But I had to face the music this week that the condition of my own periodicals is headed in that same sickly direction. From an overflowing basket, my spouse extracted The New York Times from March 1. It was fit as a fiddle because it hadn’t been read.
“Don’t you dare throw that away,” I told him. “I’m going to read it as soon as cool weather hits.”
Ever since I splurged on a Sunday-only subscription to The New York Times, I’ve been scrambling to read them from cover to cover — minus the sports — and get my money’s worth. I made it exactly two weeks before life got in the way.
So I started stacking the newspapers in chronological order on a coffee table. And then all those unread words spilled into baskets.
Unfortunately, it’s not just the hefty Sunday newspaper that’s aging. I can’t resist the bargain magazine offers that come in the mail practically every day: “Save $70 off the cover price of People. Only $9.99 for a full six months.”
“It’s practically free,” I declared as I dropped the postage-paid subscription card in the mail.
“You don’t care about these celebrities,” my spouse pointed out after flipping through pages of photos and blurbs about which stars’ relationships are heating up and which have cooled. “You’ve never even heard of half these people.”
I pointed out that I wouldn’t be so ignorant about who’s who if I had time to catch up on my reading.
“As soon as a blizzard hits, I’ll hunker down and read through these piles,” I promised.
Meantime, I’m coming to grips with living in this time warp. Halloween may be around the corner, but I just finished reading an April Better Homes and Gardens with a recipe for using just-harvested homegrown asparagus in a crab frittata.
Some articles are timeless, though, such as the ones with tips on how to organize your magazines and newspapers ... and life.
Marti Attoun’s “Booth 186: My Secondhand Career in Vintage Corsets, Moose Heads and Other Moth-Eaten Antiques” is available as an e-book on Amazon.